


Danganronba Swimmer novel - Google Docs

by ZeroWinters



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, Dr18, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Despair, Donuts, Eggs, Hands, Kidnapping, Other, Swimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 16:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24240133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZeroWinters/pseuds/ZeroWinters
Summary: Ultimate swimmer shenanigans
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Danganronba Swimmer novel - Google Docs

**Author's Note:**

> So theres no story for Aoi Asahinas backstory in any spin off work so I decided to write a oneshot that does it.

Hi hi, my name is Aoi Assahina, and I am the ultimate swimmer. I almost killed all of my friends in a class trial because my muscle gf decided to up and die. Anyways, this is before all the craziness that is Argument About a Bullet: Trigger Happy Havoc. So, I was swimming in a pool like I normally do since it's one of my only defining character traits. And then I walked out of the pool to indulge in my only other character trait, which is donuts.

New paragraph time. So the donut was amazing like usual I love donuts its one half of my character uwu. So then my swimming manager that is 100 percent canon and not fucking made up came up to me and said something that would change my life forever, that I had terminal leg cancer and I never noticed because I was too busy eating donuts and swimming, y’know, my only two character traits. 

So I went to the doctor, who is my best friend Mikan Lastname, because the author remembers her last name. She said I somehow have gotten stage 5 cancer, which is incurrable and that I’d die within the hour without a blood transplant from some twink named Nagito Komaeda. I said no because men stinky, my friend Tenko told me so. I cant have the degenerate blood in my pure virgin body. My doctor said I would literally die in an hour so I sighed and said “I guess lmao”. So Mikan took a nearby frying pan and fucking hit me in the head until I blacked out.

So when I woke up I guess all the weird bumpies on my leg that my coach called “Tumors” were gone and I didnt feel excruciating pain when I stood up so it was gucci asfuck. So I went back to practice swimming, which if you haven;t heard, is one of my two character traits. I was so fast it was unreal man I cut the sound barrier with my thunder thighs. After I literally made everyone deaf with my doggy paddling, I got informed that I need to take my protein shake or else I would never become the ultimate swimming pro. SO I took my cyanide molar instead because I would rather die than become an ultimate swimming pro. 

Unfortunately my swimming coach caught onto me poppin the cyanide and fuckin took that shit out and whipped me 50 times with his belt. To cope with this blatant abuse I ate 3 boxes of Krispy Kremes and swam around the continent of Africa. This is when I met a strange man obsessed with nuclear warfare, and said that it was the only way to true peace on earth. I think this mans name was Gon Dee or something stupid like that.

So, when I returned, my coach manager said “SHIIIIIIT! YOU JUST GOT SCOUTED TO HOPES PEAK ACADEMY AS THE ULTIMATE SWIMMING PRO!!!!” and then he started banging on his chest and making strange noises that sounded like a wounded animal. I was so peeved, because I couldn't go to the same school as my bestie Tenko, who wanted to be the Ultimate Misandrist. It’s whatever though I guess… so I started indulging in the Krispy Kremes again om nom donut. Oh god oh fuck my trainer Mekunaru Midai, father of this little bitch with heart problems, is having a fucking siezure. I guess it’s a danganrronpa novel so it has to have character death umu. After Mekunaru was done siezing I asked the baker at the Krispy Kreme, Returetu Predator, to make him into some tasty donuts.

Oh worm, two pages of this acid trip? So anyways Mekunaru donuts were gucci, but then I didn’t have a trainer anymore so I just went to the hopes peak to find some busty woman to train me. Thats when I saw my waifu, Junko Enoshima. She said someyhing sometihing about despair but I just did not give a fuck. I asked her to be my trainer and she said yes and then next thing I knew I fucking blacked out.

I woke up tied to a chair in a dark room with some hooded people chanting about despair, again I just did not give a f u c k. They gagged me with a tube of salt n vinegar pringles and started to stoke my ponytail, just my ponytail. I though it was weird but then soon they let me go after stabbing the everloving fuck out of my legs with some spears or sumshit. So I was going to exit the room when some twink in a maid uniform pushed me to the floor. He then threw eggs at me until I blacked out for the 53rd time today.

So when I woke up I was in a pink room and some fuckin barbie lookin ass with pancakes on her head was just staring at me. She was all like “Skyrim reference” and I was all like “Madam I’m from danganronpa not Your Turn to Die” and she was like “Oh rip sorry lol” and then I just got thrown out the window and landed infront of some fucking leaf twink who told wanted to see my hands. I said sure then he just rubbed around my hands for like an hour.

After the creep stopped drooling over my hands I quickly went back home to swim and eat donuts, my two character traits. So I went in the water and had a big brain high IQ idea. The idea is to combine my only two character traits. AKA, eating donuts while swimming. I know, I’m basically a genius. So I started eating a donut while swimming, and it was going well. Well enough that I didnt fucking choke and die in a pool like someone that is not the ULTIMATE SWIMMING PRO, such as myself, Aoi Assahina.

So after I was done swimming I ate more donuts because those are the only two things that I am capable of doing. The donuts kinda tasted like ass this time, so I looked at the box and it turns out that I wasn’t eating donuts at all. I was eating Oysters boiled in wood alcohol that is 100 percent how y ou spell alcohol. Stop autocorrecting im trying to funny >:U. Anyways I went fucking blind because of the wood alchohohohl and now I cant fucking see.

Now that im blind I guess my ULTIMATE SWIMMING PRO title will be revoked and given to some fucking asshole named “Aoi Asahina”. They’re obviously just trying to copy my name and I’m so peeved it’s unreal. So anyways im blind now and cant see or swim. I now have only one character trait, that is to eat donuts. I cant even see what im eating anymore so I guess that character trait is void as well too, fuck. Without any character traits left, I start to fade from existence and shit, never to be seen again. This is so sad can we hit my wife, Tenko Chapstick? Anyways I’m supposed to be fucking dead now so peace homies. 


End file.
